Episode 6: Scott Mills Discusses Cyberbullying

Show Notes

Rob

Good day, everybody. Good morning. Good afternoon. Good evening, depending on in the world and the gold you are today. This is Robert Cairns with the SDM Interview Show. Today’s show I’m really pleased to share with you a show I did as a video originally back towards the end of November last year with my good friend Mr. Scott Mills. Scott is the social media officer for Toronto Police and an expert in cyber bullying. Over the years, I’ve had the pleasure and honor of coming to Scotland talks, doing talks with Scott, teaching people about cyber bullying, getting the word out and trying to make a difference in this world in in those kinds of talks in the other community initiatives. Scott and I partnered together for many things over the years. So without further ado, I’d like to be pleased to bring to you the show. We’re Scott Nelson, I in late last year talked to all about cyber bullying. And I hope you enjoyed the show as much as we did doing it for you. Thanks sit back, relax and enjoy and learn.

Rob

Okay, folks, this is Robert Cairns, with the SDM interview show and today I’m talking to a friend of mine, who’s a Toronto Police Officer works in corporate comms their social media officer Scott Mills, we’re gonna have a quick chat about cyber bullying, because it’s a hot topic. How are you, Scott?

Scott

Doing Alright, thanks for having me. Rob.

Rob

You’re welcome. My pleasure. So you and I have gone out and talk to you about cyber bullying was taking different angles over the years, we see the landscape changing all the time, what really causes cyber bullying, in your opinion.

Scott

it’s relationship issues in real life.

Rob

I would agree

02:10

on low self esteem on the part of the cyber bully and oftentimes on the person being bullied do. But it’s, it really is the person that’s instigating it all, thinks very lowly of a low of themselves, and trying to try and bring down others to elevate themselves.

Scott

So in reality, it’s no different than the bullying that was going on in the playground when we were younger, except it’s going on on the internet right now. Correct. 100%

Rob

It’s adults and, and kids and

brands and big brands too. Right? To some degree.

Scott

Yeah, kids get kids get a bad rap with the whole bullying label, because there’s a lot of bullying that goes on amongst adults as well. That because we, our lives are so intertwined with the internet. The bullying behavior, goes on to the internet, it basically is just another another outlet for it.

Rob

I would agree with that. I mean, I I think the biggest problem in this space is the medium keeps changing, right? I mean, one day, it’s Facebook Messenger The next day, it’s WhatsApp The next day, it’s Snapchat. And it goes on and it goes on. Wouldn’t you agree? I mean, it’s almost where the kids are, what technology or where the adults are. What’s today’s issue? per se? Right?

Scott

Yeah, 100%. The means changes all the time. And technology is a very fast paced moving area. And I’ve always tried to advocate that. It’s all about talking with people to try and mitigate some of this bullying issues. It’s got to do with relationships, and you have to talk with people. And you can’t just throw out the baby with the bathwater. I mean, I’m talking about the internet can’t see it. All bad, because there’s bullying that’s going on there. Well, no, it’s just a it’s just another tool. And it’s it’s also another tool that is really important in our lives. And we’re really connected with it. And it enriches our lives quite a lot.

Rob

Yeah, I would agree with that. I mean, part of the problem with technology is I’ve been in the technology game probably over over 31 years. And when I first started, things changed every two years and then I worked in healthcare and things changed every year and now things are changing every day. I mean, that’s the biggest problem. I mean, I know in the old days What we used to tell parents 20 years ago was take computer and throw it in a central place in the house. And I still hear some parents doing that. But I don’t believe that works anymore. And I think one of the reasons that strategy doesn’t work is because we all smartphones in our hand, we all have access to computers at the library. We all go to a friend’s house, we go to a coffee shop, we go out for dinner, and so on and so forth. I mean, you can’t get around Wi Fi anywhere in the city right now. Including GO Transit in the go station. Right? And what would you suggest to parents to do now? Kind of curtail it a little bit? If they can’t?

Scott

The best advice is always talk with your talk with your kids know what’s going on in their lives. Don’t ask questions about technology. Ask questions about, you know who you’re friends with? What did you do today? How are you feeling?

Rob

Bring your friends over and let us meet them kind of thing. Right? Like, I know, when we were younger, my my parents knew all my friends, because they all hung out at the house. And you know, and that was a difference right now these parents don’t know their kids. Part of it being I think we have a lot of parents working two jobs right now. That’s partly the issue. Part of the problem being we have parents who think it’s a technology problem, I don’t believe it is it’s a society problem, not a technology problem, right. And part of it being we have parents who judge I think one thing I always did when I was younger was with my son is I said to him, here, here it is, you come to me, we have a chat, and we have the chat with nothing on the line. So you can’t be judgmental, you got to listen. So you know what? The problem is parents judged, they don’t want to get involved. why don’t why don’t they just listen and hear the kids in their head doesn’t have to be heated discussion or an argument or something like that?

Scott

No, I I’ve got two teenagers. And a younger boy in grade school, and I just regularly try to talk with them and stay connected with their life and Yep, there with them what’s going on in my life and ask them what’s going on in their life? And sometimes I sometimes they tell me, you know, a little bit what is going on that might be bothering them and just say that I’m, I’m there for them. And, you know, like taking away taking away a kid’s phone does not work in this day and age because a phone is is everything from getting directions to just, you know, take the bus or the public transit or, you know, finding a job doing schoolwork, homework, staying connected with friends. And the reality is, the vast majority of what the kids use foam for is very positive and very good. Yeah. But if if their mood changes, and you can’t figure out why. A really good question to ask is, you know, kind of Who are you chatting with online there? And what are they saying that’s making you feel bad. And I think a lot of times, parents neglect to really know that there is a lot of chatter and dialogue that’s going on online, that could impact the way that their young person feels. So it’s just awareness to know to ask that question, as well. What did somebody say or not safe to you on the phone, they could be go ghosting, the other person, somebody could stop talking, really cared about and they thought they had a good relationship with and all of a sudden, they’ve stopped talking to them. So that’s called ghosting. And that can cause our kids to feel as upset as somebody that’s, that’s being an active aggressive bully online.

Rob

Yeah, cuz they don’t have the skills as young kids to be able to manage this stuff at that point, right. They, they don’t realize this happens. I mean, now you and I, over the years, we’ve kind of pick our battles. So one of one of the battles I don’t get into, you know, blowing aside generally as a rule until recently is these political battles. I stay clerk because, frankly, all they do is cause crap as far as I’m concerned. People get upset and then the comments start and it’s like, okay, and you know, the kids that you know, at the ages of 14 1516 1718 haven’t figured Without that skill and figured out, you know, maybe I don’t need to get in this conversation, or maybe I don’t need to get involved in this. And you know, sometimes part of the problem is they don’t feel comfortable going to mom and dad. And I know when I talk to kids, I always say, then go talk to a teacher, go talk to a principal, go talk to the sport coach, I know, when I was involved in sports, at least five times in my sports career, I had kids come to me and say, I’m being bullied on the internet, you know, and we were able to get parents and the right people involved because some child felt enough. And then the youngest one was 12 years old. So I mean, you know, age is not a boundary here, either, as

Scott

I know it for certain ages. On the online bullying issues can happen at any age.

Rob

Yeah. What would you suggest? Do you agree with that philosophy, though, with kids, they’ll feel comfortable going to panco to somebody they trust, like anybody pretty well.

Scott

I think it’s good to go to somebody you trust for sure. A lot of the issues are resolved, and talked about amongst peers, as well. You don’t always have to be quote, unquote, the rat, you can, you can, you can try and talk amongst your friends to try and solve the problem at that level, without going to somebody as well. If, you know if, if somebody’s life is in danger, and you’re a young person, or anybody for that matter, I think you have to do the right thing and talk to somebody that can take some action and some pretty immediate action to try and save someone’s life.

Rob

Yeah, I would agree with that. I mean, we’ve seen cases. And we all know, as kids get older, unfortunately, cyberbullying often turns into situations with pictures or videos or stupid things that go on. And even more so in cases where young romantic relationships that kids are involved in that they can’t handle to start with, because you’re developing feelings and stuff, and they get out and, and we’ve both seen cases like that over time, right? Where there’s stuff involved. And honestly, what these kids don’t realize is that picture they shared, there is guilty as the receiver often because they’re under the age of majority and things like that. So you know, you gotta be careful of that from a legal standpoint. But even more, so why even take them in the first place? Like why that’s where he’s kind of done a stop it is, is put the bull by the horn and sort of say, I’m not doing this right.

Scott

Yeah, I got it, sometimes it is, what it is, there’s a whole line of thought out there about sexting is to walk with your kids and teach them how to do it in a responsible way that’s not going to come back and harm them. The The, the traditional way of dealing with sexting is to say, basically, don’t do it. So the reality is, is that there are a lot of active teenagers on social media and texting back and forth, and they are able to send erotic pictures of themselves. And you just have to be very, very careful with that and manage it. Accordingly, it all comes down to trust, just as it does in real life. Again, it’s just the medium near that we’re talking about.

Rob

I agree. It’s it’s the medium internet stock, the issue. It’s a tool, right. So and I think I think part of it, I think part of it is that’s just how kids communicate. And, and I mean, not only do you have to watch that, you have to watch like these online games like World of Warcraft I’ve heard of, and I’m sure you have to have stories of kids getting bullied into an online game chat or something like that. Right? That happens as well.

Scott

Anyway,

Rob

thanks for your time, Scott. How can people get ahold of you? If they need to or have a question or

Scott

anybody can reach out to me and on my cell phone Oh 647-384-7371. That number is out there. As well as I work off my Gmail address most of the time. The Scott Mills with one t@gmail.com my real name has to teach. Yeah, but the general address only has one tea and water. You want to reach out And, and that at all I’m happy to, to put you in the right direction or give you some advice. I’ve seen a lot of this type of behavior online and that involve a lot of situations and for the most part, don’t panic. And if you end up do reaching out to me, my goal isn’t to arrest somebody and throw them in jail or even get them in trouble with their school or, or their parents for that matter. My goal is to try and solve the problem.

try and get, you know, get get as as few people to know about the situation as possible, and get the situation under control so that the person that’s feeling badly it feels better periods of time.